Here’s what’s “normal”: adults have sex primarily when
they’re tired. This shapes the quality, content, and frequency of the
experience. Most adults save their “prime time” for things that
are either more important (raising their kids, working after hours,
maintaining their health, handling crises) or more reliably satisfying
(watching TV, going out, sharing hobbies, playing around on Facebook).
Not having much energy is one aspect of “normal sex” that
most people don’t want. But many adults seem to believe
that most sex will inevitably take place when they’re not at their
best, without considering the consequences of this kind of sex life — that
it may become routine, not involve much time, lose its playfulness,
and that using contraception or a lubricant may seem like too much
trouble.If we think of “normal” as common,
typical, and accepted as “the way things are,” this is what
“normal sex” actually looks like:• Awkwardness
and self-consciousness are common.• Communication is
limited.• Neither partner laughs or smiles much.• One or both partners are obsessively concerned about
performance.• One or both are unsure what their
partner likes.• One or both tolerate what they dislike, hoping
that it will stop soon.• Masturbation is kept
secret.• There’s difficulty using birth control without
embarrassment or conflict.• Desire requires a perfect
environment.• Sex is sometimes physically painful.• He believes that “her orgasm problem reflects on me.”• She believes that “his erection problem reflects on
me.”Also, whether young or old, gay or straight, male or
female, when American adults have sex, they frequently:• Are self-conscious or self-critical about their body• Don’t feel as close to their partner as they’d like• Don’t feel confident that they’re going to have a good
time (which is why they don’t do it more frequently)• Are concerned about performance — either their own or their
partner’s• Feel inhibited about communicating what they
want, don’t want, feel, or don’t feelHealth problems are also frequently part of “normal” sex — because
normal people have health problems.So,
are you starting to look pretty “normal”? Are you starting to
realize this might not be the right goal?I want to change
things for you — and not by improving your “sexual function.”
This book isn’t literary Viagra. It’s more like literary brain
surgery (sorry, no tummy tuck, boob job, or hair implants, just brain
surgery).The awkwardness and emotional isolation
described above are what most people get when they try to have
“normal” sex. And that’s why your vision of sex
matters. So let’s spend the rest of the chapter exploring why
it’s not important to be sexually “normal” and why, in
fact, pursuing “normal” sex is often destructive.Of course, by “normal” sex most people don’t mean
the reality I’ve just described, but a romanticized vision of perfect
performance, perfect environment, and nothing too novel or
psychologically challenging. The only thing normal about that kind
of sex is the fact that so many people aspire to it, and so few
people have it. (And here’s a secret every sex therapist
knows: even when people get this kind of sex, they’re not
necessarily satisfied with it.)So if, like so many
other people, you’ve been pursuing the wrongthing
(“normal” sex), you need a new way to think about sex. Although
most people assume it’s logical to have a performance
orientation (how many times per week, how many minutes beforeorgasm), that’s only one way to look at sex. And it’s exactly
thewrong way.Excerpted from SEXUAL
INTELLIGENCE: What We Really Want from Sex and How to Get It by Marty Klein,
reprinted with permission from HarperOne, an imprint of HarperCollins Publishers.Continue Reading
Want to win her over? Start by making her smile. It’s not rocket science, folks.But that’s not always as easy as it sounds — so it’s a lucky thing we just discovered a
Twitter trend-worth of helpful hints. Here’s what we gleaned from #30WaysToMakeAGirlSmile. -SmileNGrace-EverydayLaVan-NotUrAverageTae-iDeepIove-THEOfficialStix-IAmJossh-@EverydayLaVan-GMC_Fynest-EmelieNordify-utopiafalls2Check out our #2011Regrets
You Should Make Sure Never Happen To You for more advice from Twitter.Continue Reading
So, you walk into a restaurant
and you wait 15 minutes for a table. You’re starving. You sit down, stare at the menu and
a kind voice says, “Hey, guys, what are you in the mood for tonight?”You look up and your tongue hits the ground. The hottest waitress you’ve seen in a long
time is staring directly at you and you don’t know what to say. All your friends’
eyes are on you, because they see the stunned look on your face, and they all know you’re
hot for her.You want to make a great first impression.
You want to figure out how to crack the restaurant code. You want to be able to date this hot
waitress, and you want to be the charming guy at the table. How do you make it happen?
It’s so easy it’s ridiculous.RELATED
VIDEO: How To Pick Up The Waitress
Create a bond all about her
For seven years in my 20s, I was a bartender/waiter in New York City. I had women hit on
me all the time, but I only ever dated the ones who connected with me. See, life is all
about connection. It’s understanding where somebody else is, connecting to their world and
immediately creating a bond that nobody else has.The truth is that most guys
will hit on her. They’ll say something stupid. They’ll call her over and say dumb things.
They’ll never talk to her. This is what I do: When I see a hot waitress and I’m caught off
guard like you were just caught off guard, I look directly at her and go, “Ah, man,
I have no idea what to eat. Let me ask you a question. If I was standing there and asked
you what you’d like to eat right now, and you were sitting here with my buddies — and
believe me, they’re really good guys — what would you want to eat?”And
when she tells you what’s good, just look at her and say, “Oh, man, why don’t you
just sit here right now? I’ll take over your shift. Just let me know what’s been 86ed in
the kitchen.”“86” is the term that restaurant people use to
talk about what food item is no longer available. You’re talking her language right there.
Now she’ll probably laugh and say, “I think we’re almost out of salmon.”
Then you could say, “All right, fine. Let me go back to the kitchen, let me go grab
those salmon orders right now.” You bond with her immediately in that moment.
She now understands. She now knows that you speak her language. She’ll be curious whether
or not you ever worked in a restaurant. Not only that, but you basically set up a good
feeling between the two of you for the rest of the evening.Now watch her work
the tables, and I guarantee you there’s always a table that’s a big pain in the butt. So
the next time she comes over, say, “Hey, look at table four over there. What’s up
with them? Do you need me to come over there and handle them for you?”Or, “That guy over at table six, man. He’s been hitting on you. You
see the way he’s been looking at you? He looks like he wants to eat you!”That’s what you want to do. You want to bond directly with her. When you bond directly
with her, you have an opportunity to go and date the waitress. The key here is always
relate to her world, the environment that she’s in. And it’s a lot of fun.
Learn about her bit by bit
I’ve dated a lot of waitresses and bartenders
in my lifetime, and the key thing is to keep them talking, find out a little bit about
them when they come over the third time. Say, “Hey, what else do you do? What do you
do in your free time? What are your passions? You want to own a restaurant one
day?”Find out things about them. So, by the end of the night, if you
speak to them enough, they keep coming over and they linger because they like you. The
more they linger, the more they come to the table and talk with you. What you need to do
at that moment is ask her out. Say, “Hey, look, I know the wild salmon is 86ed here,
but I know this great place down the road where the salmon flows free. Why don’t we go
check it out one night?”And that’s how you seal the deal. That’s how you
close her. That’s how you get her to feel 100% comfortable with everything that you are.
They’re fun to date, the waitresses, with their bubbly personalities and flexibility. But
in order to go from average customer to lover, bond with her by connecting in a way that
most other guys wouldn’t.
Forget pickup
lines — some good old-fashioned chivalry works just as well. A new study suggests
that flowers
work wonders for men as women find males more attractive when flowers are
nearby. Dr. Nicolas Gueguen, a psychologist from the University of South
Brittany, analyzes the science of attraction and ran the study. In the first part, he
asked 46 female students to sit in a room on their own and watch a video of a guy speaking
about himself. Half of the women sat in a room with three vases of different flowers and
the other half didn’t. The women in the room with flowers consistently found the man
more attractive and were more willing to date him. The second part of the
study involved 122 single
women, who took turns interacting with the same man for five minutes. Even though he
followed the exact same conversational script with every woman, 81% of the women accepted
his request for a date in the flowered room compared to merely 50% in the flowerless
environment. And you thought flower-power only worked for Mario and Luigi. Continue Reading
Good things come to those who wait,
but one thing you might not want to put off is fatherhood. We’ve often heard about women having a biological
clock, but men too have that tick-tocking, and waiting can endanger your future
kids. In a new study, the Society of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists of Canada
says that men above 40 are in a category of “advanced paternal age,” which
means their kids will be at a higher risk of genetic disorders, some forms of cancer,
autism, and even schizophrenia. That’s
because after the age of 32, their semen
quality starts to decline, and that can lead to a slew of problems. Not only does the
quality go down, but so does the volume. Men in that age group also have sex less
frequently and are more likely to be victims of sexual
dysfunction. So along with getting a life, a
good career and a good wife, you better start making babies soon before time runs
out. Happy Monday, everyone.Continue Reading
Let’s get one thing straight right out of the gate: Regardless of the title of this
article, as a female in my mid-20s, I do not want to be referred to as a “girl.” Girls
wear training bras, don’t pay their own cell phone bills and steal alcohol from their
parents. I am not a girl and I don’t want to be treated like one under any circumstance,
especially when it comes to the complicated realm of flirting. You can call us girls among
yourselves all you want, but please think of us as women.Now that we’ve taken care of that detail, let’s move on to the fundamentals
of picking us
up.
Seriously, Make The First Move
In a world where women expect men to be lacking in the masculinity department, making the
first move is a huge turn-on. In the last few years there have been two successful books
published about the declining “masculinity” in the modern-day man. Both Manning Up:
How the Rise of Women Has Turned Men into Boys by Kay Hymowitz and The Making of
Modern Immaturity by Gary Cross theorize that in the postindustrial economy typically
feminized traits have been favored in business and education, keeping women on top as
successors to what used to be considered male-dominated fields. Hymowitz claims that this
change has left men stranded in a place of “pre-adulthood” where they never butterfly into
masculine men. Most women expect that if they want something done, they have to do it
themselves. Sometimes it’s a pleasant surprise to have this reversed. In fact, go ahead
and do whatever you can to prove the researchers wrong.
RELATED
VIDEO: How To Make The First Move
Know Your Audience
That being said, there is a time and a place for everything, including making the first
move. I remember a few years back I was working as a brunch server at a small restaurant
in my neighborhood. One morning, a guy I knew and his current girlfriend came in for
brunch. As I served them their pancakes and bacon, the guy decided this was the time to
proposition a threesome between myself, him and his girlfriend. At brunch. While I was
working a busy brunch shift. At 11 a.m. At a bogus serving job. Know your audience, dudes.
This may be a big fat “duh” to most of you, but some just don’t listen to that “duh” in
their head even if it’s batting hard between the ears. If we’re serving you coffee during
rush hour, chances are we don’t want you to drop some pickup
line. Know where you are and what is appropriate.
Do Your Research
Before you go to a job interview, one would think you would do a bit of research on the
position at hand before you head to the gig, right? Right. Now, I’m not saying that trying
to pick up a woman is like a job interview (as Jerry Seinfeld once noted), but I am saying
that you can’t just dive in head first without doing your research. That is just common
sense. Whether your pick up gig is aimed at a casual hook-up or something a bit more
serious, it is well worth it to take the time to do your research. If you are in a bar or
club and see a woman you are interested in, take some time to study her. Do not gawk or
stare like a total creep, but glance over casually and take in what you can. Watch how she interacts with her friends and what kind of vibe she is giving off to the
room with her body language. Is she completely engaged with her group or are her eyes
wandering around the room for another possible interaction? Does she seem excited or
irritated? Does she seem coherent or two sheets to the wind? Taking the time to figure out
where she’s at in her night will factor into the way you can approach her, if you
should approach her at all — and it may even predict your success rate. A woman who is
laughing insanely with her pals, deep in conversation, is probably not interested in
talking with you right now. Wait. On the other hand, a woman who is scoping the room might
be looking for interaction. If she catches your eye… Ace in the hole. When she goes to
the bar for another drink, maybe you might need to top up, too.
Real Talk
The last thing anyone wants (gay, straight, male, or female) is someone feeding them
bogus lines. I know that The
Game taught you how to use “peacocking” and “negging” to have women fall for you,
but what women really want is for you to be real. Be yourself. I know, I know. I sound
like your mother, but this advice is golden. If you put on a huge front, she’s going to
see through it. Bring up topics you are familiar with, see if she’s into it. Ask her
questions about herself. Engage. These are basic rules of conversation, but sometimes we
forgot about them when “flirting” gets involved.
The Marc Jacobs Rule
Above all these rules is the golden rule of fashion that also applies well to trying to pick
up a woman. Designer Marc Jacobs once said, “A cool bag on a dumb girl is a dumb bag, and
a dumb bag on a cool girl is a cool bag.”Break it down and what the genius of
fabric is trying to say is that it doesn’t depend so much on the outside as it does on
what projects from within. In the world of dating, it comes down to smell. Some people
just smell right, feel right, even from the get-go. You can learn all the rules of the
game, but if you lack confidence in yourself and the woman you’re after doesn’t
believe in what confidence you do have, it’s not going to last past a few rounds. A cool
bag only gets you so far. So you can memorize all the lines you want, learn all the
so-called rules and even master all the expert advice out there, but if the shoe doesn’t
fit, it’s going to fly off to find the cool bag it fits with. Get me?
Here at AskMen, we’re all about helping guys. But sometimes advice from one dude
to another can only go so far. That’s why we decided to go straight to the source to
find out what the world’s hottest women actually expect from us.This
week, we asked the model, dancer
and actress Shay Maria what she looks for in guys. Hopefully her answers make the
female sex a little less mysterious. If anything, we’ve learned from Shay that not all
girls abide by the traditional rules.What’s the biggest
grooming mistake a guy could make?Uh, boys, please don’t shave your
arms or legs.What’s sexier — the macho alpha male or scruffy
beta guy?Scruffy beta.RELATED VIDEO:
2 Things You Didn’t Know About Shay Maria
Who should pay on the first date?I probably would.Would you care if a guy picked you up in a garbage-strewn beater?Probably. I can’t stand smelly things.What’s the best
compliment you’ve ever received?That my personality was as beautiful
as my surface — if not more beautiful. That guy was so sweet.Biggest turn-on in a guy?My guy’s gotta be funny
and have a cute smile.Biggest turnoff?If
your breath smells bad. What jewelry is acceptable for men to
wear? Watches.Would you date a guy who makes
less than it would take to comfortably support a family?Depends if I
am truly in love with him. If you have love, you don’t need anything else.One final piece of advice for men in five words or less?Be
YOU — nothing less and nothing more. Follow Shay @ShayMariaa
Do You Have A Porn Addiction Problem?
Dear Doc Chaves,I think I have a problem with internet porn addiction. I
have looked at a number of sexual sites and have even masturbated to pictures and movies
online. I feel like its not normal and I’m doing something wrong and hurtful. How
many other guys do this, and should I see a doctor for this?-Mike
While it’s tough to nail exactly what guys are looking at on sex sites, we
do know they’re looking. About 95% of males masturbate, and men make up two-thirds
of the internet sex site users. It’s fair to say the overwhelming majority of male
internet sex site users are masturbating. It’s hard to imagine a guy on a sex site
not touching himself, right? Why else is a guy there? In addition, where are the women
who make up the one-third of Internet sex site users? Can you imagine dating a woman and
saying, “Honey, I forgot my username and password to lovetohump.com. Can I borrow
yours?” It’s quite normative for
adults to look at porn sites on the internet. Tens of millions do it in the U.S. You may
not like it or enjoy it, but others do, and the right to freedom and liberty even
includes sexually explicit material. Most can handle internet
porn just fine. It can be a wonderful stress reliever, libido enhancer, nighttime
sleep aid, and masturbatory outlet. In fairness, some people, mostly men, have a
difficult time controlling their use, and those people may benefit from seeing a trained
sex-positive therapist. People with compulsive internet masturbation or out-of-control
sexual behavior can benefit from treatment. The younger generations have even more
exposure to internet sex sites, and we’re finding the rates of compulsive use
increasing in society. It’s easy to blame
the internet, but do we blame liquor stores on every corner for selling alcohol, or blame
cars for auto-accident-related injuries? We have to take responsibility for our actions.
I believe, in part, we as a society are not taught how to handle sexually explicit
material and are made to feel guilty about a normative desire to explore sexual
depictions. Many who fear they are sex addicts often
use sexual expression as coping mechanism for other difficulties, like depression,
anxiety, lack of relationship fulfillment, poor boundaries, or other stressors. You can
benefit from seeing a professional (www.aasect.org), but it sounds to me
as if guilt and shame over expressing your sexual desire may be more likely than a
compulsive issue. Either way, getting help can likely relieve some of this anxiety and
stress.Doc Chaves advises a reader whose girlfriend has a fantasy he’s
uncomfortable with, next…
Alleged adulterers like Ashton
Kutcher, Jesse
James and Kobe
Bryant all make it seem like men are dogs and cheat more often than women. But
don’t kid yourself. Women are quickly catching up in the game of infidelity, and
the new
research might surprise you. The numbers are
hard to pin down, as these types of surveys live by the honesty policy, but research from
Indiana University and Manchester Metropolitan University found that roughly 20-25% of
men have cheated, compared to about 15-20% of women. Other polls cite a much higher
percentage, with as many as 50% of married women saying they’ve engaged in
extramarital activities. While men tend to do it
for the sex, women hunger for emotional satiation. It’s usually the sign of a bigger problem when someone cheats, but women,
more than men, tend to look elsewhere for fulfillment when they don’t feel desired,
understood or appreciated. There are also the thrill-seekers, who love the adrenaline
rush and adventure when things have gotten stale at home. Whatever the reason, the bottom line is that women cheat just
as much as men do, so don’t assume anyone is innocent.Continue Reading
What’s the difference between a good dater and a bad dater? It’s all about the prep work
and the game plan. You’re now probably asking yourself, “Am I a good dater or am I a bad
dater?” Well, that depends.Every date that I have ever gone on I consider to
be a good date. It doesn’t matter whether it was bad or if there was no connection,
because with every date you learn about what you really want, what you’re attracted to and
the type of woman you want to be with.Dating is like a football game. If you
watch the NFL playoffs, the teams that are prepared almost always win. The teams that are
pressing too hard go into the fourth quarter, and all hell breaks loose.A date
is exactly the same. Every date is just an opportunity to get to know somebody. But the
second you start to fantasize about the date, the second you start to think that this is
the best date you’ve ever had, you start to press, you get nervous and you go into
the fourth quarter with a really bad game plan (or no plan at all). You’re not listening
as much as you should. You’re not reacting to what she says. You’re not touching her if you
feel like touching her because you’re inside your own head.RELATED
VIDEO: How To Recover From A Bad Date
You’re being that NFL quarterback who goes into a game all nervous because he read
about the other team’s tenacious defense in the papers. Then you step into the game
and throw an interception on the first passing play. And the rest of the game you press
and press and press. Now you’re at the end of the game (the end of the date), and
you feel like you’ve got to do something to salvage it.Here’s the deal: If
you’re in date Hail Mary mode, you’re done. If you start pressing at the end of the date,
you’re done because she’s been reading your nervous energy the entire date. She’s been
feeling you out the entire date and she isn’t getting the connection that she
craves.There’s only one way to salvage a date, and that’s not to throw the
Hail Mary. What is the wrong date Hail Mary? It’s going for that kiss, jamming your tongue
down her throat and basically thinking that’s going to slide. You’re that guy who
thinks a kiss is going to make
all the difference in the world.Here’s the deal: A kiss doesn’t make any
difference in the world. That is not the date Hail Mary. The only date Hail Mary you ever
need to do if the date is not going right is to look her in the eyes and say, “Hey,
I had fun. We need to do this again. Let’s go out Monday night.”You need
to close her at the end of the first date. If you don’t do that
and you go in for the kiss instead, then you performed the wrong close. What’s going to
happen is that she’s going to go home and think to herself, “WTF? What just
happened? This guy was all over the field. He threw interceptions all game. I don’t
understand.”She’ll start breaking it down with her friends. Guys, when
that happens, you’re done. The only way to save a date that you think has gone wrong is to
ask her out at the end of the date and do it with confidence. Don’t beat yourself up!
Maybe go to the bathroom, talk to your assistant coach (the toilet) and say, “Hello, Mr.
Urinal. I really screwed up on this date. I was so nervous I wasn’t myself.”Think to yourself at that moment, and try to remember something she said that was fun or
something that she’d like to do. Maybe she talked about going to the amusement park. Maybe
she talked about a restaurant she’s never been to. Maybe she talked about how she hasn’t
been rollerblading along the beach in awhile.When you drop her off or when you
say goodbye later, look at her and say, “Hey, you know what? You had a great idea about
checking out that restaurant that just opened. You and I need to do that. Let’s go
Saturday!” Say it with enthusiasm, and really mean it.That is your date Hail
Mary. That’s how you save a date that’s gone wrong. You can never do it in the middle of a
date because you’re too nervous.
You always know by the end of the date whether or not you’ve blown it. So here’s a way to
save and to give her an opportunity not to think about the fool you just were and all of
the interceptions you just threw.
Last night’s Republican presidential debate was distinguished by one issue in particular: Newt Gingrich’s alleged
suggestion to his former wife that they try an “open marriage.” Whether or not
he did, in fact, ask his ex-wife for an open marriage (with the woman who he would go on
to have an affair with, and later marry, the current Mrs. Callista Gingrich) is not really
important here. What we care about it whether or not this could mean a mini-boom for open
marriages. Will they break into the mainstream? In the meantime, here are our thoughts on
how to make it work. You make her No. 1, but you don’t want her to be
the only one. Open
relationships offer sexual variety with other people, which immediately sells
you on the idea, but what about your girlfriend? Having an open setup could result
in the relationship breaking up. Hey, some relationships just don’t make it once
they’ve tried the open road. If you have breakup on your mind, perhaps ending the
relationship is your best bet rather than suggesting you widen the playing field a
little. However, if you want to keep your relationship a priority in your
life, but you just want to have some new experiences, perhaps you’ll be one of the
lucky ones who finds that bringing outsiders into your relationship will add some spark to
it. It’s good to bear in mind that for an open relationship to work, both
parties have to be keen on the idea. When trying to awaken your girlfriend’s
interest in open relationships, here are some ways to go about it.
1- Plant the idea
Instead of focusing on your needs, let her be introduced to the idea of open
relationships in a more objective way. During a hot night together, why not suggest
renting an erotic movie or two? Choose movies that involve threesomes and try to find
quality porn that has a bit of a
story line if possible, especially since a huge chunk of erotic films out there are not
always liked by women. (Note: Avoiding porn that features facials or other acts
she’ll view as degrading is also a must.) Watching a steamy flick together
won’t only add some spice to your sex life now, but
it could also make her turned on by what she sees, thereby planting an idea in her mind
that she might want to take further.
2- Encourage the fantasy
Now it’s up to you to encourage her wildest dreams. Often, the best sexual
communication occurs outside of the bedroom, so take some time to share your erotic
fantasies with your girlfriend and let her do the same. This is a great way to nurture
trust in your relationship, but it also encourages her
fantasies to become reality. For instance, if she tells you that she has previously
fantasized about sex with another person, hear her out and encourage her to describe it to
you. Once her mind is open to the thoughts, her body is more likely to follow. We have three tips to get her to open up her mind next…
Confucius said that the hardest thing of all is to find a black cat in a dark room,
especially if there is no cat. According to new research, that’s exactly what
searching for the G-spot is like,
because it doesn’t exist.Of course, she insists that she has one.
You’ve accidentally hit it hundreds of times, but trying to consistently find it has
never worked, no matter what the Kama Sutra says.Well, you can call off the
search party because it doesn’t exist. That’s the unequivocal conclusion that
a team of Israeli and American researchers came to after reviewing countless amounts of
previously collected data.They reviewed 60 years of evidence and 96 published
studies that previously sought to find that holy grail. They even examined biopsies of
tissues taken from inside the holy land, but, in the end, that small sweet spot
wasn’t conclusively found.Previous ultrasound tests found that some
women have thicker tissue where the G-spot area is imagined to be, and they have regular
vaginal orgasms because of it. The problem is that many women have thinner tissue in the
same area and aren’t nearly as sensitive.At least for now, the mystery appears
to have been solved.RELATED
VIDEO: The Secrets And Misconceptions Of Orgasms
Chirp! It’s your smartphone with a text. Your brain gets a small surge of dopamine as you
read the text from that hot honey you met last night. Nice. She’s available tonight.
There’s only one problem. You had already planned to see a movie with a woman you’ve had
two dates with. This night could be the score if the three-date rule is still intact. No
worries. She can wait. A quick text to reschedule movie babe, and the newest opportunity
gets first place. As you send the rescheduling texts, you see an email from your college
sweetheart who’s doing master’s-level work in London. She can wait, too. She always has.
Right?Thirty years ago, this thought pattern would have only been found in a
lecherous Casanova with a cold heart. But today, more and more men are suffering from a
kind of love attention deficit disorder (ADD) due mainly to technology’s ability to
connect people with an abundance of sexual opportunity.Not so long ago, people
were most likely to marry someone who lived less than five miles from their childhood
home. Today, the world is love’s oyster and new potential partners are a mouse-click or an
iPhone app away. It’s not uncommon for a guy to juggle text, emails and hookup
relationships with an entire stable of women. And it’s understandable. Most men are wired
to spread their seed and thus have an automatic response system when a new sexual
opportunities turn up.But there are a few side effects of this fun game of
musical beds. Assuming that most guys also want to do what their seed-spreading impulse is
designed for — to procreate — then how and when does a guy know when to settle down? And
what if he makes the wrong choice? Could there be a hotter, kinder, smarter, wealthier
girl who comes along after he heads down the aisle? In fact, those thoughts are the
biggest danger of love ADD. It gets guys stuck and unable to make decisions. In female
parlance, that means “make a commitment.”RELATED
VIDEO: 5 Signs She Wants To Commit To You
Of course, a guy could do what millions of other dudes do: Create a single mother. There
are 14 million single mothers in America raising one out of every four children. And with
women rising in economic power, why not leave the diaper duty to the chicks?It
is here where our hunter/gatherer biology is at odds with our modern lifestyle. Back when
widespread seed-spreading evolved, groups of women were the backbone of the human culture.
Powerful groups of “alloparents” — mommies, aunties, grannies, sisters and nieces –
parented children together in encampments while most men were out obtaining valuable protein. But today, a single mother is much more isolated with little in the way of a
support system. Plus, she works outside the home for many more hours than her gatherer
ancestors did. She is also vulnerable to poor mental and physical health. Even her
children are more likely to develop poor health, poor grades and exhibit high-risk
behavior. Is that any way to let your genes flourish?Our addiction to love is
a lot like our addiction to salt, fat and sugar. Back in our hunter/gatherer days, these
trace nutrients were hard to come by so we developed a mammoth craving. Today fast-food
restaurant owners capitalize on that craving by loading their foods with fat, sugar and
salt. And that stuff is killing us. Our only hope is to make an intellectual decision to
moderate our intake and stick to a healthy diet.The same goes for promiscuous sex. We crave it, but too much may kill our genetic line.
It’s up to men to moderate their own intake and stick to a healthy relationship. Survival
of the smartest is the way to combat love ADD.
Here at AskMen, we’re all about helping guys. But sometimes advice from one dude
to another can only go so far. That’s why we decided to go straight to the source to
find out what the world’s hottest women actually expect from us.We
started with Brittney Palmer, the sexy UFC ring girl, talented artist and calendar
girl, who is also a candidate for our Top 99 Most Desirable
Women of 2012. What’s the biggest grooming mistake
a guy can make?Having one of those little flavor saver things under
their bottom lip. You’re both an artist and a ring girl. So
what’s sexier — the alpha male or the scruffy beta guy?That’s my problem. I want a mixture of both, and to find that is probably the most
impossible thing. I think it’s more interesting to have somebody who has an artistic
mind and who can speak about art with me and go see museums and love all those things.
But, at the same time, I’m very strong and I’m very career-driven, so I want
someone who’s very alpha male to help push me in a direction if I’m ever
slowing down. So, the both — if I could ever find that, I’d be golden. Who should pay on first date?I will always offer, but
usually it’s the guy who should pay.Would you care if a guy
picked you up in a garbage-strewn beater?If it was, like, a 1970s
Bronco, no. Otherwise, yeah.What’s the best compliment
you’ve ever received?Anytime they compliment a personality
trait. Those things are the best when I get them. Because all day long you can hear
somebody thinks you’re pretty or [compliments] your body, which is really
flattering, and I love hearing [it], of course. But I think when people can really reach
in and compliment me on my art or who I am as a person, those are the best. Biggest turn-on in a guy?A sense of humor.Biggest turnoff?Arrogance.What jewelry
is acceptable for men to wear?Sh*t. I was going to say that for the
turnoff. Accessories are a turnoff. Maybe a simple chain or necklace. That’s
it. Would you date a guy who makes less than it would take to
comfortably support a family?I would date a guy who would make less,
but I would never date somebody who was settling. They have to be the best they could
be. One final piece of advice for men in five words or less?Be yourself. How do you feel about being a
candidate on our Top 99 list?It’s funny — I’d gotten a
Google alert or someone had told me that. And I looked and I’m standing next to
people like Adriana Lima and some of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen.
I definitely didn’t think I hold a candle to them, but apparently I do, and
it’s awesome. It’s cool. It’s really cool. Continue Reading
The last thing I want to talk about is how much ring
to buy and how much to spend on it. In terms of size, carat weight is not the most
important, I promise you. Of the four C’s (cut, color, carat, and clarity), cut is
the most important one. Cut refers not only to the shape of the diamond (round, princess
and emerald are popular cuts), but the quality of the finished stone. An excellent cut
makes a diamond sparkle and makes a smaller stone seem larger. Poor cuts do just the
opposite. Most guys automatically want to get the biggest rock they can afford, but the
problem is diamond prices increase exponentially with the size of the solitaire. Given
that everyone has a finite budget, it’s a mathematical inevitability that if you max
out your budget on carat weight, you will suffer in other areas. I really recommend using
your money to find a balance with an emphasis on cut. If you insist on really icing her
out, consider adding carat weight in the form of smaller diamonds, either next to the
solitaire or lining the band. A half carat’s worth of tiny diamonds costs a lot less
than a single stone of equal weight.It’s well documented that the idea
of spending two months’ salary on a ring was perpetuated by none other than the
diamond industry. To me, it’s complete bullsh*t. I see a lot of girls engaged to
guys my age with enormous rocks on their fingers, and it baffles me. Sure, the guys might
(read: probably) make more money than I do, but after going through it myself, I have a
rough idea what rings cost, and some of them are staggering. Maybe they could afford it,
but more than likely, they went into an assload of debt. I kind of get it,
because as men we’re wired to believe that more = better. Plus, a bigger ring serves
as a status symbol for both us and out fiancées. That said, I don’t think
it’s worth considering borrowing the cost of a BMW for one ring. When she looks at
it years from now, it should remind her of when the two of you were young, in love and
just starting out. It will serve as a reminder of your humble beginnings together no
matter how well you end up doing in life. Get your ducks in a row, save as much as you can
for as long as you can and pay cash. It will mean that much more to her that you scrapped
and saved to buy her something you could afford. If on the off chance it doesn’t,
she’s a gold-digging whore, and you should probably ditch her anyway.
Location, location, location
People sometimes make a big fuss about the location, and I don’t think that’s
necessary. It simply needs to be done at a place of mutual significance to the both of
you. A first-date location, a spot in her hometown, etc. Anything goes, really. Just make
sure the location and the events that transpire mesh with who you are as a couple. If
you’re the mushy-gushy types, then maybe the classic ring-in-the-champagne-glass-at-a-fancy-dinner
thing is perfect for you. Similarly (and I don’t care how much people poo-poo it),
if the two of you met at or live to attend sporting events, the Jumbotron might be
something she’d really enjoy. Speaking seriously about my engagement, we both
attended the same college, so when we were back in town for homecoming I popped the
question at a point of interest on campus. That was perfect for us. Your mileage may
vary.A subset of the location is the fanfare that accompanies the proposal,
and this is where you need to be considerate of your fiancée’s personality.
Would she appreciate a bunch of friends jumping out and surprising her while someone
videotapes it? Would she be uncomfortable with a lot of immediate attention? I don’t
know, man — I don’t know your fiancée-to-be. This is a guide, not an
instruction manual.Also, I don’t care how you actually propose. Just be
yourself (or rather a more nervous version of yourself). I recommend laying out a witty
one-liner that segues into dropping to one knee and asking her, but that’s me.
Prologue
Assuming things go smoothly, prepare for the aftermath. Everyone will want to know how
you did it, where you did it, etc. You’ll probably want to call friends and family
as she does the same. You might have to get the ring resized, because odds are when you
got her ring size it was for her right hand. Most of all, enjoy it. Soak it in. Sooner
rather than later, you’ll be mired in guest lists and registries, and surprisingly
it’s “not appropriate” to register for an 80” 3D LCD
television.Who knew?
Time is of the essence, but you and your girl want to find a spot where you can get a
couple of quick pumps in before you have to get back to whatever it is you were going to
do. Why ruin everything by heading to a safe place when you can do it right
where you are? If you use a drop of discretion, quickies can be more fun and exciting than
you ever thought possible. Here, now, are eight locations for a quickie. Next time your
blood runs heavy below the waist, grind your girl in one of these quickie spots.
1- Elevator
An elevator is
high on our list of eight locations for a quickie, although going up or down several
floors isn’t usually sufficient time to get off. We recommend you stall the elevator
(given that you don’t trigger any alarms by doing so, unless you enjoy getting caught),
penetrate, and when you’re done and let the elevator run again, don’t exit from the main
floor. Ideal position: Upright
wheelbarrow (with her facing the wall, hold her up by her thighs, placing them on either
side of your hips, while she holds on to the wall).
2- Movie theater
You may think this one has been done to death, but getting busy in a movie theater is
always a thrilling experience, and there’s less chance of getting caught (unless of
course, she’s a screamer, but if it’s horror flick, you’ll be OK). Movie theaters are best
for oral sex (and
that’s a big reason this place is on our list of eight locations for a quickie), since
unless you’re basically the only ones in the theater, there’s no way you’re not going to
get caught having intercourse. Ideal position: Either your female
companion giving you oral sex, or sitting on top of you, facing the screen.
3- Back of a club/restaurant
Being out on a hot date talking about hot things with a hot girl will usually excite you,
so if both of you are up for it, head to the darkest part of a nightclub, or even the
bathroom, and get your bang on. Chances are people will hear or even see you, but if you
have an little exhibitionist lurking within, it’s all good. Ideal
position: Standing, upright doggy. Our eight locations for a quickie will
take you up a flight…
Who needs online dating when you have Facebook? Facebook makes it easy to hit on a
friend of a friend. Since you and your dream girl have friends in common, she may be more
at ease letting down her guard. Think of the goldmine of cute girls your friends are
likely hiding right under your nose. But it’s easy to come across as a weirdo or creeper
if you’re just randomly going around hitting ladies up. Act like a bull in a china shop,
and you’ll scare her, but sneak in subtlety, and you’ll be able to get into her good
graces. For example, do not email a woman you’ve never met any sort of message
that references her looks. Do not immediately ask her out either. She doesn’t know you any
better than she knows the homeless guy down the street, so even though you’re excited,
don’t blow your load too soon. A few simple rules and a keen sense of observation are all
you need.Here are a few preliminary steps.
Clean Up Your Photos
Clean up any incriminating photos (or at least hide them). Sure you may have been joking
around with your friends when you were motorboating that stripper,
but you don’t need to post a pic of it for all the world to see. I once had a friend of a
friend try to ask me out on Facebook. He looked cute from his profile pic, but upon
further examination, I realized he was a sex fiend. Or at least he presented himself as
such on Facebook. Every other photo was a shirtless shot taken in front of the mirror or a
photo of a half-naked female ass. He thought he was an art photographer; I thought he was
a perv. Helmut Newton he was not. Keep the drunk pics, the one of you at the porn
convention and any mirror self-portraits hidden. They definitely are not going to endear
you to a woman.
RELATED
VIDEO: How To Ask Her Out On Facebook
Clean Up Your Wall
Next, clean up your wall and be mindful of what you post. Case in point: A guy who I had
been talking to in real life Facebook friended me. He was constantly posting comments
about possibly hanging out with hot girls or scoping out bikini-clad chicks on the beach.
He was hardly the player in real-life; in fact he was anything but, which is probably why
he felt the need to talk about hot girls so much. Not only did he come across as immature,
idiotic and almost brain-dead, but he also successfully turned me off. Save the bro banter
for your friends. She doesn’t want to hear about you getting wasted or picking up women
anymore than you want to hear about the guy who hit on her last night.Now that
you’ve made yourself presentable, you’re ready to meet the ladies.Read on
for more…
The big moment. It’s the end of the evening, and you’ve had a great time together. Now
it’s time for the big kiss. So what do you do? How do you do it?Well, you
think to yourself, “I’m just going to grab her by the arms, turn her around and give her
this big kiss!” You’ve seen it in all those romantic movies, the ones where the guy really
goes for it and gets the girl. Maybe you’ve even watched the show Millionaire
Matchmaker, where Patti the matchmaker tells the guys to go out, wow the girl and
then make out with her at the end of the first date.Well, that doesn’t work in
real life because it’s not about the kiss. In reality, it’s about how you tease her. Women
are all about teasing. The more you tease
and create anticipation from the beginning, the better it will be for you down the
road.I look at women as giant clitorises. If you know anything about the clit
at all, you know that you don’t want to just ram your hand down her pants and go for the
clit really hard right away because the clit’s too sensitive.What you want to
do is massage the clit, you want to work your way around, above, below the clit. You want
to take 20, 25 minutes to warm her up before you even get to the clit in the first place.
A kiss to a woman is like foreplay, and it
can be like magic if you do it right.RELATED
VIDEO: How To Make The First Kiss
The first kiss is always so much fun — maybe even one of the most fun parts of the
dating process, as long as you don’t get anxious over it.Now, pay attention
because you’ve got to remember this word: anticipation. If you’re on a date and
the two of you are having a good time, really hitting it off, she is going to be
anticipating that first kiss anyway. You don’t need to chase after the kiss. Personally, I never go in for the kiss until the second date. I want
her to go home thinking about the kiss. I want her to wonder what it’s like to kiss me in
between dates. Then I want her to anticipate the kiss the next time she sees me.I want her to think, “This guy is going to kiss me soon!” I want to keep her on her toes
the whole time, and when I do kiss her, I want to show her who’s in complete control.Read on for more of David Wygant’s first-kiss advice…
Almost one in two marriages ends in divorce,
and you might be surprised that Facebook flirting is one of the main causes for it.
That’s right — the social network is being used more and more as reason for a
split. UK website Divorce-Online ran through 5,000 petitions for divorce and found that
Facebook was part of one-third of the reasons. Among the chief concerns was
inappropriate messaging to the opposite sex, broken-up partners posting nasty things on
each other’s walls and mutual Facebook friends exposing a partner’s creeping.
Facebook accounted for only 20% of divorces when Divorce-Online ran the same survey back
in 2009. If you thought reports of cheating that started on
social networks were an old wives’ tale, you better think again. It reminds cheaters to
use a little discretion — or at least to go play in adultery playgrounds like the
intimate-encounters section of Plenty of Fish or sites like AshleyMadison.com. Have you ever coordinated a hookup through Facebook? Let us know in
the comments.More on AskMen:How To Pick Up A Girl While She’s At Work The 7 Things Highly Productive People DoRELATED
VIDEO: How To Date A Friend Of Your Ex
Even when you have to break her heart, there’s a
right way to do it, according to GalTime.com. This
article is by Rabbi Arnie
Singer and was originally published here.Breaking up is hard to
do — that’s an understatement. But as terrible as it is, breaking up is a part of dating
and relationships. It’s something that everyone experiences at some point, so it’s
important to know how
to do the deed in the best and most sensitive way possible. No two
relationships or people are the same, but here are five general tips:
1. Don’t drag it out
As hard as you think breaking up will
be, it will be even harder and more painful if you drag the relationship on for longer
and then break up. If you think there is a real chance of making it work, then by all
means take some more time to see it through. But if you’ve already made your final
decision, DO NOT continue the relationship. If you do, you are just wasting the other
person’s time, allowing them to become more attached to you, and preventing them
from moving
on and finding their true love. They will probably be furious at you for doing it,
and rightfully so. Don’t let it come to that. When you know it’s not going to
work, let them know ASAP.
RELATED
VIDEO: How To Know When It’s Time To Break Up
2. Pick the right time and place
Time to share a personal story. When I was studying in Jerusalem in 1991, I dated a
woman for almost three months. Towards the end, while I was planning to propose, she was
planning to break up. In the meantime Saddam Hussein decided to shoot scud missiles at
Israel and it became a stressful and demoralizing time. My girlfriend’s family
lived in a small village in a part of Israel deemed to be safe from attack, so she
invited me to come out there to spend a couple of days to get away from the stress, and
potential danger of the city. The only thing I remember is that at some point during my
stay, she
broke up with me and there was no way for me to leave until the next day. The point
of this story is that when you do decide to break up, pick a time and place that is
sensitive to the other person. Also, don’t wait until the
holidays or some special event to ruin someone’s mood. Give them a little time to
deal with things before having to face all of their friends and family. I guess the
best, and maybe the only, way to gauge what the right time is for a breakup is to put
yourself in the other person’s shoes and ask yourself, “How would I feel if I were
broken up with at that particular time?” What else
do you need to know to break up with her the right way? That’s next…
The truest statement in the history
of relationships regarding whether you should propose or not is also the most vague:
“When you know, you know.”Guys in great
relationships or happy
marriages know exactly what it means. It means: “I can’t explain it; I
just know that when I look at my wife, she’s the only one for me and I want to
share my life with her.”
For other guys, the
“when you know, you know” phrase translates roughly to: “It’s a
crapshoot, pal. You’re on your own with the whole ‘knowing’
thing.” Which leads this second group of guys to ask: “Know what? What the
hell am I supposed to know?”
How Do You “Know”?
There is no real answer to this, other than “know” encompasses everything.
It includes knowing you love your girlfriend/wife-to-be, knowing that she loves you,
knowing that she’s your best friend, knowing that you’re hers, knowing that
she’ll make a great parent, knowing that she’ll take care of you, knowing
that you won’t mind taking care of her, knowing that among all the other
girlfriends you had, this amazing woman was waiting for you the whole time and none of
your past ladies could ever compare to her.To not
“know” means you’re feeling the opposite about some of these things.
(Hopefully only some — if you feel the opposite about your girlfriend on all of the
above, why even bother dating her?Unless she’s Brooklyn
Decker – in which case, hang in as long as you can). Fortunately, when
you’re no longer uncomfortable, uncertain or “un” anything involving
your significant other (most of all, unsure) that’s when you “know.” And
when you know, you know, which means it might be time to
propose.
Be This Guy
Here are a dozen very important things to think about when you get to this
point:1. DIYProposing is a man’s
game. Period. Ignore the supposedly hip notion that it’s cool for women to propose
because of the rise of feminism and the blurring of the gender barrier and all the other
tradition-be-damned nonsense. A woman proposing to a man is not hip; it’s lame. I
know, I know — there’s nothing “wrong” with a woman proposing. And
there may be a few men out there who want to be proposed to (though I’ve never met
any). But no matter how progressive and forward your girlfriend may be, there are certain
laws in the universe that shouldn’t be trifled with: Women aren’t supposed to
open car doors for men. Women aren’t expected to give men their coat if a man
catches a chill. A woman shouldn’t have to comfort a man because he’s crying
at the end of Love Actually. And women should not have
to get down on one knee and ask for a man’s hand in marriage. Typing that last
sentence even felt weird. Men propose. It’s in our DNA. Pure and simple. Guys, suck
it up. Don’t be that guy in a group of couples who has to meekly say “My wife
proposed to me” when you’re sharing your engagement stories. Everyone might
nod their head and smile politely, but every guy at the table will think you’re a
towering wimp. Sorry, it’s a fact. 2.
Know The AnswerIf you honestly have no idea what your girlfriend will say
if you propose, don’t ask yet. Think of your proposal the way the late Johnnie
Cochran thought about cross-examining a witness: Never ask a question you don’t
already know the answer to. Never. By the time you’re
ready to pop the question, you should have already had “feeler”
discussions about weddings, starting a family, when you want kids, how many kids you
want, where you’ll live, income sharing, etc. If you’ve had none of these
discussions, then you might want to bring up a few topics to see how she feels. If
you’re at a wedding and you ask your girlfriend if she could picture your wedding
like this, and she hesitates or gets uncomfortable or doesn’t want to talk about
it, it’s OK — having that conversation at someone else’s wedding will be
much less uncomfortable than having it on the morning of your own, when your
fiancée realizes she said yes because she was just being polite.3. Live
TogetherThis isn’t 1950. If at all possible, ask your girlfriend to
move
in together before you propose or get married. A giant percentage of divorces could
be avoided if couples were forced to live together and share all expenses and
experiences for six months to a year prior to getting married (this is not based on any
official study, just a hunch). Why wait until you’re married to discover that your
wife eats moo goo gai pan in bed, is four months late on her car payment and won’t
let you touch the groceries she buys? On the flip side, if you move in together and
it’s better than you ever thought it could be, you’ll probably have a good
idea if she’ll say yes.What are the other imperative
rules? Find out next…
Avatar Sex
Dear Doc Chaves,I have a fantasy that really turns me on. It’s
something I masturbate to but don’t feel comfortable telling anyone, not even my
wife. I absolutely love and get turned on by imagining the movie Avatar. I
don’t know what it is, but the female blue characters really excite me to the point
that I’m getting a hard-on writing this. Is this common? -Mark,
FLEveryone has fantasies. There’s not a person on Earth who hasn’t
fantasized about something sexual, whether it’s the Na’vi people of Pandora or
the next-door neighbor. There’s no way to accurately say how many people share this
unique sex
fantasy, but here are a couple of facts that make me think you’re not alone:
It’s the highest-grossing film of all time, Avatar costumes were one
of the most popular costumes of 2010, Hustler made a high-end porno parody
that same year, and there are tons of porn clips made in honor of the movie. I’m
sure you noticed this in the movie, but the female Na’vi characters are all slender,
attractive, athletic, scantily dressed, and provocative, which adds to the eroticism. I
understand it’s difficult to tell people about unique fantasies, and your comfort is
first and foremost. But consider the pros and cons of sharing this Avatar sex fantasy with
your partner. If she’s open-minded, maybe she would enjoy or support this aspect of
your sexuality and what a treat that would be. Now that I think about it,
there’s a history of attractive blue characters. You already identified Zoe
Saldana’s character in Avatar, but I’m taking it to another level
and saying Rebecca
Romijn as Mystique in the X-Men. Smurfette could be classified as a blue
bombshell, too. I’m glad to read you’ve found something that excites you and
you’re embracing it as an outlet for pleasure and fantasy. Life’s too short
not to enjoy it.
Prison Sex And Sexuality
Hi Doc,I just spent three years in jail and recently got out. I’m in a
weird place right now, because the whole experience has made me question who I am. There
were a few times while being locked up that I had sex with another inmate. I keep thinking
back to it, and it’s ruining my ability to want to be with women. My brother jokes
around that I dropped the soap and makes other comments and it’s getting to me. I
guess I’m questioning if I have some gay
in me. -AnonymousNo matter what brothers say, or anyone else
for that matter, no one gets to tag an orientation label on you. It’s your right to define
your orientation and also your job to explore it. There could be a few different reasons
why your past incarcerated sexual experiences may be impacting your ability to be with
women. It’s possible there might be some orientation exploration for you to do.
There may be some anxiety, guilt or shame you’re feeling related to having sex with
other men or possibly liking the sex you had in jail. It may also be difficult to
reintegrate back into the dating scene and society, which can cause distress. I
wouldn’t be surprised if some mental health difficulties are present due to the
recent changes in your life. It’s likely these possibilities may be
impacting your abilities with women. Keep in mind it’s perfectly normative to
question our sexual interests, expression and orientation; our sexuality is always
changing, evolving and growing. Don’t hesitate to find a qualified sex therapist (AASECT.org) and talk things out with a
professional. Whether you choose to identify as gay, straight or some other orientation,
remember that the road to happiness often travels through some confusion and
questioning. How often do single men in their 30s have sex? That’s
next…
There’s nothing like the adrenaline-filled thrill of a first kiss.
While I’ve had more than my fair share, some of them were undeniably more memorable
than others. Most of them were yummy and delicious and with the right guy — tingly,
sparkly and all the other things that make fireworks go off in your head. Then there are
the rest. The kisses that were so poorly executed it made me wonder if the man in question
had ever kissed a
woman (or anything else, for that matter) before.One slobbering fellow in
particular comes to mind. On paper he was perfect: a 6’2″ graphic designer with a blond
faux-hawk who lived in my neighborhood. He was well-dressed, sweet and every bit the
gentleman, holding open doors and thoughtfully planning out our dates. When he
didn’t kiss me on the first date, I was bummed, since we had chemistry, but I
chalked it up to shyness. On the second date, when he finally leaned in to kiss me, I felt
myself suddenly become nervous. And not in a good way. It was as if my body subconsciously
knew his performance would be less than stellar. He basically shellacked my
mouth with saliva. Not only that, but it was almost as though he was trying to eat my
face. His mouth was open so wide, I felt like he was tyrannosaurus rex and I was his prey.
He topped this off by strangely running his fingers up and down my face as though he were
painting stripes on my cheeks. Perplexed, I wondered what exactly he was doing and if he
was going to stop. There was zero skill, zero finesse and, on my part, zero fireworks. Kissing should be hot, not something that repulses you more than roadkill
squirrel. Kissing is the gateway to making a sexual connection. Women
know after a single kiss whether they want to eventually have sex with you or not. So if
you’re a bad kisser, you’re screwed. If you suspect you may be a bad kisser,
it’s time to change your ways.
Problem #1: Your breath could burn someone’s eyes
I once had the misfortune of kissing a guy whose breath smelled like a cross between
garlic bread and sautéed onions. Both delicious to eat, both disgusting to taste
secondhand on someone’s breath. Besides being disgusting for sheer olfactory
reasons, bad breath also suggests that you have poor hygiene habits. No woman wants to
date a guy who can’t take care of himself. And according to a study by evolutionary
psychologist Dr. Gordon Gallup, funky breath can also signal that you’re in poor
health.
What to do
Besides the obvious, like brushing your teeth twice daily and seeing the dentist every
six months, there are things you can do when you know you’re going to plant one on a
lady. First off, stay hydrated. A shortage of fluids can lead to dry mouth, which causes
bad breath. Says Dr. William DeVizio, a licensed dentist and the Colgate-Palmolive
vice-president for dental clinical research, “Bacteria can colonize on your
tongue, gums and cheeks, where they promote tooth decay and produce foul-smelling sulfur
compounds.” In addition, you can try a cinnamon-flavored gum.
Researchers at the University of Chicago have found that cinnamon produces an
antibacterial effect that kills bad breath more effectively than other flavors — even
mint.Read on for more ways to be a better kisser…
And now for some breaking news from the department of obvious: Apparently people like to
date
hotties.Yes, that’s right. Researchers from Northwestern and Texas A&M teamed up to find out
whether or not people like attractive partners. Since some of us say that physical
attraction isn’t always the preeminent factor in a companion, this astute group of
scientists has proved to us that we’re lying to ourselves if we say that looks are
not that important.It’s good that this crucial, scientific breakthrough
has been made. Even though there is a limited number of sexy partners on this planet, we
now know that a large portion of the world’s population is settling for less in the looks
category — including old people, who remain agonizingly married to people whose looks
have faded.It has nothing to do with the fact that we accept people for who
they are as a whole instead of solely dating for looks. No, as science proves to us,
we’re merely misleading ourselves if we’re not dating the hottest piece of ass
out there.Great work, team. Coming up next week: New research suggests that
men enjoy the sight of cleavage.More on AskMen:The Best
Men’s Hairstyles Of 2012How
To Choose Awesome, Unconventional WinesContinue Reading
Well, the clock has finally turned. It’s 2012. Can you believe it? We’re now in the teens
of the new millennium, the roaring tens, whatever you want to call it.And at
the beginning of every year, you’re resolution-based. That’s what we do. You utter a ton
of drunken resolutions on New Year’s Eve to your buddies, saying, “This year is going to
be the best year! This year I’m going to get laid more! This year I’m going to work
harder! This year I’m going to make
more money! This year I’m going to meet more women! This is the year I’m going to
meet somebody special!”You play the game of “this year”: “This year it’s going
to happen,” and This year I can finally become the man I’ve always wanted to be!”Here’s the question: When it comes down to dating, are these resolutions realistic?
Let’s look at the reality of your life. Let’s take a look back to last year, when the
clock struck 2011.What were your resolutions like? Did you play a lot of “this
year”? Did you promise yourself that you would pursue more women? Did you promise yourself
that you would be more outgoing? Did you promise yourself you would approach women and ask
them out more often? Did you promise yourself all of these things, including working out,
making more money and eating healthier?RELATED
VIDEO: How To Ask A Girl Out Without Getting Rejected
You need to look back at your “this year” and the promises you made yourself in 2011 and
ask yourself right now, “What did I really accomplish? What really changed in my life?”Were you able to make good on any of your resolutions? Forget about just the
dating resolution — were you able to make good on any resolutions at all? Most people get
overwhelmed because theirs are just unrealistic.For instance, you’re a guy who
doesn’t get a lot of dates. So all of a sudden on New Year’s, your resolution is to have
one date per week. Last year you went on three dates. Are you realistically going to
increase from 3 to 52? You don’t even look at the percentages. Most resolutions,
especially dating resolutions, are unrealistic because you’re not looking at the core of
what you need to work on. You’re not looking at the reasons behind why you’re not meeting
women and getting the dates. And all you’re doing is trying to fill yourself up with hot
air and hoopla.Look, positive self-talk is fantastic. It’s empowering. But,
unfortunately, a lot of times it’s just not realistic. Most people don’t understand the
small steps that are necessary to get these goals accomplished. If you want to go out
there and date 40 new women this year, or you want to get a girlfriend
this year, you’ve got to find a way to go out there and actually meet women every single
day. They just won’t magically appear. If you’re not great at conversation, if you’re not
great at talking to women, nothing is magically going to change for you.So, if
you’re serious about making these resolutions
come to life, you need to take a look at what your dating resolution is, and then you need
to figure out what steps you are going to take in order to get there. Read on for more on how to improve your dating life…